Poppi, and what I am grateful for most. . .

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Poppie was able to ring the bell at the Cancer center 11 months ago.  What a celebration we had after he received an all clear for a little spot on his lung that received radiation.  By the way, Poppi is the pet name I have for my Dad.  I’m the only one of his six children, five surviving that calls him that.  Just like he frequently refers to me as “number one daughter.”  Afterall, I am, the first-born.   I’d like to think that I’m his favorite too, but I have no evidence of that so I say. My siblings might tell you something completely different.

Dad and I have always had a special relationship.  I guess maybe it is because there can only been one first-born child.  Perhaps it is because I had him and my Mom to myself for two years before my brother showed up.  I might guess it also has something to do with the fact that my Mom miscarried about a year after I was born, and they were grateful to have their one singular sensation to help ease the pain of that loss.

I had to “break” my parents in for my other siblings, and while I had many privileges, like being able to go to baseball games with my Dad on school nights. I also had many restrictions of being the  “first”  as well like no phone calls after dinner, not getting my ears pierced until I was 16 and being in by midnight on date night weekends.  Now as an adult I also have more responsibilities as my parents age.  After about six months of “all clear” the doctors my father has been going to found another tiny questionable spot two months ago, this time in his throat.  Poppi had a biopsy within days and as I suspected  we’ll know something pretty quickly.  Just not quickly enough for all us kiddos.

Poppie started smoking when he enlisted in the army as a just turned 17-year-old to go fight alongside several of his siblings during WWII.  He had just started his senior year in High School when he left to do his patriotic duty for his country.  He signed up with the Army Aircorps with every intention to become a pilot.  About half way through his training the war started winding down and so the Army Aircorps stopped the training sessions for his team.  It might have been to the bottom ranks for Pt. Dad had he not also been so well versed in SIX DIFFERENT LANGUAGES!!!  So long pilot training, hello Decoding School!

Dad has many stories of his time in the service, but one of my favorites centers on the time just as he was about to get out of the service and return home.  You see, the FBI had gotten wind of my Dad’s talent for decoding and wanted to offer him a job.  He looked at them and said,  “I’m  a kid.  I’m going back home to finish high school!”  Needless to say the FBI recruiters were a little surprised.

Fast forward to this week and we’re once again celebrating the “ringing of the bell.” this time in regard to the little spot they found on the back of Dad’s throat.  It wasn’t cancer, but a suspicious pre-cancerous tissue.  The doctor’s felt that it was better to be safe and zap it a few times than to wait to see.

While it’s difficult to see my Poppi suffer at all, I’m grateful that he is on the mend and for modern medicine. However, I am most grateful for time and the priceless opportunity to have him around longer.  I can use all the time I can get with my Poppi.

Would you like a little retaliation with those stretch pants & Cheetos?

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The shockers just keep coming–the Ex aka Bad Dad has decided to cut off our son’s tuition to Sylvan Learning Center for the coming year.  It’s not like he and his father can’t afford it.  Granddad pays for many things for his grandchildren. Pretty Pretty Princess Blow up Jumping Rooms for a birthday party for one grandchild.   Summer before last was the first time Ian’s Grandfather offered to  pay for anything for Ian since the divorce.

I was grateful and the timing perfect when he suggested Ian attend Sylvan to help him catch up.  The timing of the “cut off” was particularly interesting too since our (first) judge had just handed down a ruling that Bad Dad didn’t like much.  Not much at all.  His letter informing me that he was cutting Ian off reeked of retaliation.

The fine print is that Bad Dad isn’t ordered to pay for Sylvan.  A good Dad doesn’t need to be ordered to do something that is in this son’s best interest.  I forwarded the letter Bad Dad wrote to me to my good friend who works for CPS in California to get his take on it.  He said:

“Just took a look at the letter. Yes, this kind of retaliatory behavior does no one any good. What makes it especially stupid is doing this after appealing the court decision. Just gives you more ammo when you go to court. No need to say that the grandfather is paying and it is discretionary. Just say that the father is refusing to pay for Ian’s tutoring. Let him explain how this is not retaliation for the court ruling. Also remember he misrepresented his income if he says there is no money. But he does have to spend a lot to keep his new wife in stretch pants and Cheetos.”

Now doesn’t that just say it all!!!

As the saga continues. . .

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It’s just temporary–let’s hope!

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Per the de novo or “do over” hearing:

I need to remember that the word temporary is in the phrase temporary orders, that good things can come out of this whole custody ordeal and from the guardian ad litem recommendations.  The guardian ad litem still has not made her home visit(s) and recommendations to the court.

I’m just saddened that one non-family law judge that heard our family law case could remove so much good from what the other judge, who is a family law judge ordered?  Furthermore, what was put in place to replace the earlier ruling really hurts my child?

As my California CPS friend said:  “What a disappointment.  Let’s hope this is just temporary and some sanity returns.”

 

Another difficult thing is that the judge ordered me to pay $3000 toward my Ex’s attorney’s fees.

So Ian won’t go to a couple of summer camps.

New back to school clothing is out for a while.

A newer to me car gets put off even longer.

So we won’t have our little three day winter vacation to Breckenridge we’d been planning over Christmas break either.

I’m already having to work extra days just to pay for my attorney, unlike my Ex who has his attorney fees paid for by his Dad.

So sad that I have to continue to deal with Bad Dad.

At least I have a wonderful son that loves me, my family, loving friends and my health.  So in the big picture I am rich.

 

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Photographer bad manners. . .

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Isn’t there some sort of photographers creed that says not to take photos of regular or famous people while eating!? Oh yeah, it’s just bad manners. Just because you have a smart phone isn’t it really enough to just say you were there in the same restaurant?  Are you so untrustworthy that your “friends” on FaceBook won’t believe you?  Thank goodness the famous person who’s family meal you captured wasn’t mid fork or worse in the potty when you took on your iPhone and went in for the grab.  Goodness gracious!

While photographers can choose to photograph famous people, their family members and friends while out dining, that doesn't mean they should.

Thoughts from Jim Lewis, published in Slate:

"Exploitation lies at the root of every interaction between a photographer and a human subject, and every photographer worth a damn knows this. It is unavoidable, it is intrinsic to the very act taking pictures, and the most sophisticated photographers work their understanding of it into their practice, in various subtle ways. … with the best of them you can see something in their eyes, and in their work, that proves their trustworthiness and creates a kind of complicity."

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So sad, but so true. . . Bad Dad II

Just when I thought things were starting to settle down, with all the legal drama, now comes a de novo request sent over by Bad Dad’s attorney. Does one really need a do-over when things worked out so well for our son?

Apparently, sadly, so.
Bad Dad has requested a do-over since and I quote “he got a man hatein’ judge and he has done nothing wrong”

My friend that works for CPS said:

“This is unfortunate but expected given your rules of court. Mr. Wills* asks his client whether he wants to appeal telling him it is automatically heard. The clients forks over more money and the attorney files the motion. A good attorney would tell the client that his chance of getting the judgement overturned is slim to none and slim just left town. But as long as the client wants to move forward, the attorney has to represent him.”

“Judges don’t like overturning the work of other judges so unless the original judge made a grievous error (unlikely) the second judge will affirm the original order. Mr. Wills* looks at his client and says he tried and did his best. The client walks away dejected with a lighter wallet. Mr. Wills* has extra spending money for booze and hookers.”

Have I mentioned how funny Jeff* can be even with gallows humor?!  At times like these I need a good laugh to keep from crying.

UPDATE:

I just got off the phone with the nice director that runs the Sylvan Learning Center my son attends.  I wrote this letter to Bad Dad to address some of what was discussed during my phone conversation with Miss Becca*.

Dear Bad Dad*,

 

I was saddened to talk to Becca* from Sylvan today.  She informed me that you and your father have cut off Ian’s* funding to attending Sylvan Learning Center.  Bubby* has provided funding for all of his grandchildren over the years and even added (stepchild)  this past year, I guess now sans one.

I had hoped after the most recent court hearing that things would settle down custody wise, it seems that is not to be the case.  Our judge’s ruling was fair and just considering all that has transpired the past six years.

I also received notice that you want to waste more of the court’s valuable time and my money/your Dad’s money instead of simply mediating and/or talking.  You do realize that by costing me money you are also keeping Ian from attending some of the summer camps he is supposed to attend and I am being prohibited from getting a newer to me safer vehicle!

So sad.

Please look into your heart and do the right thing for Ian and return his funding for Sylvan and stop this new court action.

Mommy aka Green Light Girl

It seems there will be  much drama to come. . .stay tuned for more bat shit craziness!

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Taking care of oneself again after letting go for a while. . .

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I’ll admit it, I had let myself go. I was doing good to get a bath/shower and pull my clean, wet hair back in a pony tail before dabbing on some lip gloss and walking out the door in my clean but plain clothes. No sign of fashion sense, of pride, or a blow dryer!

I have had several light bulb moments to get me to where I am now, but what I now know is that I thrive on the raves I receive when I do put forth the effort, do coordinate my clothes, put on make-up, do blow dry and style my hair. I love all the positive feedback. I feel like I have a whole Fashionista pep squad behind me cheering me on. Go GLG, Go GLG…

I decided to log my progress so that others can follow my pattern to recapture their inner as well as outer beauty.

Fem-scaping

While I would do basic shaving while in the bath or shower, I wasn’t doing the loofa-ing, skin buffing and full on shaving that I do now. I wasn’t using a callous smoother/scraper to take care of my feet, in fact I wasn’t giving my feet much attention at all besides basic washing. Show your feet some love girls! Buy some Vaseline and after a nice hot bath get an orange stick and alcohol to go around your cuticles, then grab an old pair of socks before slathering on a very generous supply of Vaseline on your feet before you get into bed. Your feet with love you for it. In the morning those mistreated pups will feel smooth and subtle like soft new skin once more.

A buff baby. . .

Ground up pits??? Dead skin is dull and lifeless, that is why it is called dead. Your skin doesn’t have to be flaking off to not have the glow of freshly polished, buffed arms and legs. There are several really inexpensive products out on the market to help with buffing, two in your kitchen pantry, Kosher Salt and Oatmeal! Another that you can use are the more generic almond pit scrubs. However, I have two favorites specifically for my face is Nivia’s Skin Refining Scrub, or Skin Polisher by SkinMedica. The other for arms and legs, Aveno’s Scrub. All products, tanning lotions etc will go on better and smoother after a good buffing. You will get more even coverage thus you will be much happier with the outcome. Everyone, young and old, should be wearing sunscreen every day. I have made it my new year’s resolution to make it the first step I do post bath or shower. Your skin is the biggest body organ you have, baby it please.

Waxing and shaving or other more expensive alternatives.

I hate shaving. I was doing the basic, from just above the knee to the ankle shave. I wasn’t dating anyone, so it was just a maintenance cut. In reality it really wasn’t enough because of the challenges it caused now that we are now in bathing suit season. If you are over 40 and not a contortionist or as flexible as you used to be, it might be time to consider laser hair removal. I’m starting my sessions for just above the knee to high upper thighs lasering next week. I’ll let you know how it goes. While I also recommend cream hair removers for all the hard to reach areas, I think as we age, simple is best. I’m thinking long-term. I want that hair gone and I don’t want to have to worry that I missed a spot that looks like I an acre of the Black Forrest went missing while in my bathing suit.

More fem-scaping to come. . .

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and then there was Mr. Manning*. . .

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With summer vacation comes time off from school. My son and I  have most of our summer already booked with day camps, travel, mini vacations, Sylvan ( to keep the great grades up) and a few out-of-town visitors.  Speaking of visitors, Mr. Manning* and his children are some of those out of town visitors we are expecting week after next.  Mr. Manning, or Mr. Mike is what I call him in front of my son, but he is and will always be Michael* to me.

Michael Leslie Manning* was a high school boyfriend. I’d started dating Murph* and Michael at the same time as I’d just turned 16. Ahh, to be sweet 16 again.  This was the age that my parents decided would be an proper time for me to start to date.  Michael was in my grade, but Murph was a year older.  Michael also had a horrible family life and seemed to always be in crisis.  Murph was funny, had an Episcopal Priest for a Dad and a Medical Center working Mom with lots of siblings and a very stable home life–much like my own.

I was not in any way ready to deal with some of the issues that Michael was dealing with and even though he was cute, and funny and smart.  The drama that surrounded part of his life scared me frankly.  I was very found of him, but ultimately I chose Murph to be my steady boyfriend.

Michael and I kept in touch for a while, but did lose track of each other just a few years out of high school.  He went off to college right away, I stayed home and went to the Junior college down the highway a bit.

Fast forward to about two years ago when yet another Facebook encounter happened.  I received a friend request from Michael Manning to be a Facebook friend.  I couldn’t believe it was him!  It had been forever and was frankly overjoyed that he was still alive.  I had one other friend that had a pretty deplorable home life growing up and he had committed suicide in his late 20’s.

Michael is now divorced, has a 9-year-old son like me and a 5-year-old daughter, like I always wanted.  He has such a wonderful outlook and his children benefit from the fact that he is their full-time, full custody father.  He is giving them the life he always wanted as a child and he is the type of Dad he always longed for.

Did I mention that Michael is also kind on the eyes.  I mean matinée idol cute.  I am still attractive, but my divorce and custody issues have done some damage.  I’m a stress eater and when I’m stressed-out, I eat out, a lot.  So I’m dragging around about 50 lbs I don’t need, want or care to have.  Due to the continued custody issues I don’t think I’ve ever fully recovered from my post divorce low self esteem issues fully.  However, I have the issues and weight to deal with and I’m starting to work hard with my de-stressing in more healthy way  ie  hiring an attorney, eating better, working out some, getting my annual check-ups, trying not to let custody issues and work issues get to me.

Which brings me to now.  I am so excited that Michael and his little family are coming to visit, we have a Galveston side trip planned, Moody Gardens, a state park trip and I’m grateful my vacation time was approved.  It was touch and go for a week or so even though I requested it over a month in advance.  As for the romance department,  I have made it clear that it’s a just friends visit, because of the kiddos, though I still hope there is some chemistry still between us.  If something were to spark I wouldn’t turn my back on it.  Much like Michael, I’m a tired, overworked, under slept, fun parent to my child, but I’m also an adult that longs to be hugged, loved or at least liked a lot again.  A nice, innocent high school style make out session where your lips get really chapped would set me right with the world!

Who knows what will happen on the 9th, but I’m going to put my best fashionista foot forward!  I’ve been having fun pulling outfits together, adding accessories, working on make-up techniques and generally taking better care of me.  Getting my toning walks in. I’ll write more when there is more to update.  Spray tan scheduled for tomorrow. Wish me  luck!

Until the next time,

Green Light Girl signing off

* names in the blog are changed to protect the privacy of those involved.

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Contempt charges, court cases and other things that go bump in the night. . .

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For those of you that are following my and my son’s child custody situation I thought you might like to know what happened this past Friday in regard to the Child Custody court hearing. Here are the facts and a bit of commentary on some of the rulings.

Lazy Days of Summer. . .

First off, the Judge ordered that Bad Dad will not get his regular block visitation with Ian* this summer. 43 days summer block visitation has the potential to resume for next summer, but who  knows.  Bad Dad will not have first, third and fifth visitation anymore either. Bad Dad’s child visitation schedule has been reduced to a once a month schedule from here on out.  The Judge also corrected a holiday visitation error.

Highway to Hell

No more driving (14 hours round trip) all the way to Outer-Mongolia, TX  with Ian getting back at 12:30 am or later on school nights. All custody exchanges will occur at a half way point between our two homes.  The exchanges will happen at the local Dairy Queen in that town. The exchanges will take place at 8pm on Friday and 3pm on Sunday allowing Ian to get home at a proper hour.   The first two months of visitation, in July and August will only be held in our local county.  So, no more out-of-town travel for Ian as he starts visiting with his Dad again.  And only public exchanges from here on out too.

Spare the rod, spoil the child?  NOT!

The Judge said from here forward there will be no corporal punishment allowed since Bad Dad, et al, have all got out of hand with the belting, hitting with wooden spatulas, force feeding, giving Rx against Dr’s orders, sawing shoes in half. I know, who in their right mind saws shoes in half.

The Judge also had issue with Ian’s Dad giving Ian 2 to 3 guard buzz or military style haircuts every two weeks against his will, but didn’t rule on it at this time.  Ian was getting bullied at school over the extreme haircuts. The Judge told Bad Dad to listen to his son.

Did we each need to pay our attorney $4000.00 plus to hear a Judge say the same thing I have said to Bad Dad all along?  I guess so.  My opinion is that the Judge may revisit this issue after the Guardian at Litem’s report. Speaking of Guardian at Litem, I asked the court that a Guardian at Litem be appointed to look out for Ian’s interests since Bad Dad seems to fixate on me with his anger.  Bad Dad also seemed to take his frustration and anger out on Ian. Bad Dad said repeatedly in court that “we” didn’t want/need a Guardian at Litem appointed.

To cut or not to cut, that is the question. . .

The Judge said that we need to work out the hair cut issue together. That is a tough one since I have worked on it for over a year now, for the second time.  I would say please don’t shave Ian’s head and Bad Dad would shave Ian’s head.  It started out with me taking our son to get a hair cut before an exchange and Bad Dad either that day or the next proceeded to have Ian’s hair shaved off.

When Ian was returned to my custody I still needed to take him to have haircuts after his Dad’s 1-2 guard hair shaving because the stylist/barber did such a poor job on his hair it had to be evened up.  Thank goodness my housemate Margie* is a hair stylist and can fix almost any hair blunder.  She is a miracle worker,  except she can’t help hair grow faster.  My dear friend that is a CPS Therapist in California feels the Judge will be watching over this case closely  over next few months to see what Bad Dad does.

Being in contempt?

As you may recall,  Bad Dad had filed multiple contempt charges against me.  During the hearing I was able to show that two of the visitation contempts listed were when Ian was actually with his Dad!  There was also one date when the Step-Monster Brenda* refused to come to the Temple we were at with friends for a Hanukkah dinner.  Brenda showed up late (9:30 pm for a 6:00 pm exchange) to pick up Ian and after driving all that distance refused to come to the Temple. I question if she was really there at all, because who drives that distance (14 hours) to only turn around and go home?

Now on to the punishment phase. . .

The Judge did hand slap me for using so many adjectives.  You are thinking ADJECTIVES!!!???  She said because of my word choices made her feel I might be embellishing.  I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth which is what I did.  I write and I produce.  I know my way around word usage.  I would rather say that an exchange was contentious instead of bat-shit crazy.  Both expressions would be accurate.  To me, the contentious expression is more in my comfort zone polite conversation wise.

As for the  12 contempt charges for not attending exchanges, I was held in contempt for one of them.   The one was the Wednesday exchange before the Friday hearing. My attorney had sent Bad Dad’s attorney a letter saying Ian was refusing to go with Bad Dad so he should not bother coming on Wednesday. For my crime, I received, no jail time, no probation, no community service, no fine, no paying of Bad Dad’s legal fees. My CPS friend said that he felt it was so the Judge looked balanced in her ruling and so it wouldn’t be flagged for appeal.

Above all else do the right thing. . .

Bad Dad’s monthly visitation is to start in July, and since he was in town for the hearing, I wanted to be consolatory so I told my attorney to offer to allow Ian to have lunch with Bad Dad.  I felt it would be a good opportunity for a transitional meeting and might help with Ian’s fear of his father.  I would be at the restaurant too, however I wouldn’t sit with them.  Just bring Ian there and wait. Unfortunately, Bad Dad refused the invitation. I just know that if I hadn’t seen my son in 5 months I would make every attempt to see him, even if it meant I had to hang upside down during the meeting, but again that’s me.

It’s foggy. . .

I’m sure there are things I’m leaving out, as there was so much for our Judge to ruled on. Over all the rulings were wonderful for Ian. The only sad thing is that I’d just saved $2000.00 in cash to go with my $3000 clean air certificate to buy a new to me car for my little family. I was hoping to keep the payments low due to the gas expenses with custody travel and to have a more reliable vehicle for transportation. Due to Bad Dad having me served and this court case  I had to give the $’s to my attorney.  I had $500.00 left in trust from from my out of town attorney  to go toward the $4000 my attorney needed.  I will be making additional payment for the forseable future. However, it is still money well spent. I’ll continue to drive the 1997 Suburban with 301,600+ miles on which I’ll need to keep a bit longer.

Until next time,

I’m a Mommy to a wonderful son and the Green Light Girl

 

 

*All names in this blog have been changed to protect their privacy.

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How did Father’s Day get started?

Image by Jim, the Photographer via Flickr

While I was at the studio this morning the question was raised, “Just how did Father’s Day become a holiday?” As a producer, I will either know the answer to a question, know where to get the answer, or find someone that can find out the answer–call it part of my job.

This morning, with the availability to do a quick internet search from one of the four computers that sit in front of me, I was able to quickly get a solid answer with verification to the posed question.

I found several entries, but one in particular really got to me. I’m literally in front of a wall of monitors, in the darkened control room, on the air live and while reading the “Father’s Day explanation” to our host through her IFB, I started to tear up. My voice started to waiver a bit and she could tell I was moved by what I was reading and hearing the story started to get to her as well.

I have to repost this item because it has such detail and is written with a great deal of care on this subject matter. Enjoy.

How Did Father’s Day Come About?

by Tracy Ebert

Where did Father’s Day Originate? While there are about seven renditions relating to the origin of Father’s Day, the most widely held version is this:

Father’s Day originated through a young girl named Sonora Louise Smart, who lived in Spokane, Washington. Apparently, after listening to a Mother’s Day sermon in 1909, she wondered why fathers weren’t celebrated as well. At 16, Sonora lost her mother in childbirth and her dad, a civil war veteran, raised Sonora and her five siblings. Determined to have Father’s Day recognized as a special day, Sonora finally witnessed the first Father’s Day celebration on June 19, 1910. Subsequently, the idea gained popularity all over the US and thus Father’s Day became a national day of celebration.

In fact, President Woodrow Wilson, noticing the depth to which this day became so popular, approved the idea in 1916. Furthermore, it was President Calvin Coolidge, who also loved this idea, proclaimed Father’s Day as a national celebration in 1924. Interestingly enough, in 1966 President Lyndon Johnson signed a presidential proclamation stating the third Sunday in June would be officially declared Father’s Day. It didn’t end there! President Richard Nixon permanently established the observance of Father’s Day in 1972.

What happened to the young girl who started it all? You will be happy to hear that Sonora Smart Dodd was honored at the World’s Fair in Spokane in 1974 for her contribution in making Father’s Day a national day of recognition.

Today, Father’s Day is celebrated around the world; however, not all countries celebrate it on the same day. In fact, in Australia and New Zealand, for example, it is celebrated on the first Sunday of September.

Beginning with an idea and the determination to see it through, Sonora Louise Smart was the catalyst who brought recognition to make Father’s Day a day of celebration. It’s amazing what one person can do, isn’t it?

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What happened to working things out with our child?!

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Over the past six years, I have tried (usually) unsuccessfully to work calmly on child custody/visitation issues with my head injured, stubborn, angry, control freak, obsessive, compulsive Ex husband.  I feel it’s better to negotiate our disagreements civilly in regard to our son. Over the past six months, our son has also tried, unsuccessfully.  

As the stomach turns. . .

If you have followed my blog, you are aware of the inordinate amount of time it takes to do the right thing in child custody matters, instead of the somewhat easier and always more expensive alternative of hiring an attorney.

The man at the door wants to give me WHAT?!

Yesterday afternoon I was rewarded for my concerted efforts of being a civil ex-partner, by being served a legal document by a nice man who came to my front door. You might have guessed that I am being sued for violating the standing custody order currently in place. Yep, you heard me right, sued.  Before I could file legal papers to have the custody of our child modified, I was served the legal documents front of my child and his friend while the children were on a play date.

Instead of coming to see our child, trying to listen to him more, making some changes so that our child feels safe in his custody, (When is enough, ENOUGH!?) not shaving his head, not destroying his property, my Ex husband, the father of our child, hired an attorney that places big bold ads on the internet that says things like “Father’s Rights,  Call now at 555-555-5555” and “We will take  your VISA, Master Card, American Express, or Discover Card to cover your legal fees. “Follow through with what you started . . . Stick with it! After all, what is more important than your child?”  Generally this type of attorney likes to keep custody issues stirred up because it is more profitable for his firm.

I thought lawyers usually behaved in a dignified manner to convey trustworthiness?!

The law office ad also says, ”

. . .FATHER’S RIGHTS LAWYER PROVIDING REAL RESULTS FOR FOUR CASE

. . .FATHER’S RIGHTS ATTORNEYS WILL HELP YOU DETERMINE IF YOU HAVE RIGHTS IN YOUR CASE

Does the above statement even make sense???  I’m guessing it should to say, “…providing real results for YOUR case.”

 

The attorney that my Ex hired also gave some advice in his web advertisement:

The key to being successful in a custody battle is threefold and are as follows:

(1) Hire an experienced attorney
(2) Be aggressive in seeking what you want.
(3) Be prepared-gather the evidence needed to show the court that you are the primary parent in this case.
(4) Follow through with what you started – if you are going to file for custody, it is often times a long drawn out battle. Stick with it! After all, what is more important than your child?

If you are a father and want to have custody of your child because you are the more fit parent and it is in the child’s best interests for you to be the primary care giver, we are here to help.

Aren’t there FOUR items listed, not just three?  Isn’t the word spelled three-fold?  Is that even the proper usage of the word?  Isn’t it a good thing if a child has two good parents in which to have a loving relationship with?  If they only have one, isn’t it in the best interest of the child to live with that parent?

 

When it rains it pours. . .

I’ve had a bit of car trouble of late and after finally getting my car engine repaired recently, I am pretty wiped out emergency fund wise. Not only was my  vehicle engine repaired, but a few extras had to be repaired as well,  (exhaust system, fuel pump, fuel filter, serpentine belt.) I’m thankful that the engine is now in working order.  I forgot to mention the cost of a rental car too while my car was in the shop.  So, of course it makes perfect sense that yet another large expense would come my way.  Now I have to pay MY attorney money.

After looking over this attorneys buffet list of items I decided to use his check list to see where I stand on this side of the ongoing custody case.

 

1.  I have a wonderful experienced attorney, so I have that one taken care of.

 

 

2.  While I’m not “aggressive” maybe I need to be more. Nahh, I think not.  I prefer to stand up for those who can’t defend themselves, be calm and  be assertive.

 

 

3. Be prepared to gather evidence– Well, I have taken and have been keeping notes, making copies of receipts and have held on to the doctor’s bill invoices my Ex husband hasn’t paid his half of for over the past four years.  The Attorney General’s office also has records that show that my child’s father has been one month behind on his child support payments for over three years and has been late on his support payments 22 times.  I received the very helpful and worthwhile advice to keep lots of notes from my dear friend who happens to work for CPS.  I am very grateful, because anyway to help make this case less expensive the better, after all it’s all about my son, and not anything else.

 

 

4. As for following through, what choice do I have?  I am being sued!  I will always be an advocate for my child.  I just wish it wasn’t like a war, because in custody battles there are no “winners” only various degrees of “losers” and our child, our baby, suffers most of the battle wounds.  Very sad.

 

 

Money, money money—money. . .

 

 

To date thousands and thousands of dollars have been spent.  When things divorce wise first got started my Ex told his attorney that his divorce will be cheap since he’d cut his stay at home wife’s fund’s off and left little in the bank accounts!  That first year over $60,000.00 was spent in legal fees.  Last year over $2,000.00 in legal fees was spent and the year before more than $3,000.00

 

 

An e-mail the Ex sent a while back said that if I relinquished custody I wouldn’t have to pay the co-pays for our child’s medical bills.  Verbally Bad Dad has said that if I give up primary custody I wouldn’t have to pay child support.  Who does that?!  I’ve said multiple times that I can’t be bought, yet he doesn’t seem to hear what I’m saying to him.  Do you think there is a pattern here?

 

 

Hey Bad Dad, why not just pay the part you owe and have owed for years in back child support and your part of the medical co-pays and bills for our child! Bad Dad, you should want to provide your part of our child’s support even when our child isn’t with you,  not just while he is in your  part-time or full-time care.  Furthermore, you shouldn’t need a court order to make you do the right thing.

 

 

All this waste of money could go to a much better use, like maybe the summer day camps our child won’t be able to attend now that I have to pay for an attorney, swimming lessons for our child, a newer to me car, or a fort our son has wanted for years or maybe even a putting money in a college fund for our child.

 

 

So off to court I go. . .

I’ll be in court in less than 2 weeks.  More fun to come.

 

Related articles

• Breaking The Silence (protectivemothersalliance.wordpress.com)
• The Divorce according to the Bible (idkh.org)
• When is enough, ENOUGH!!! (greenlightgirl.wordpress.com)
• Legal Custody (myfamilylaw.com)