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For those of you that are following my and my son’s child custody situation I thought you might like to know what happened this past Friday in regard to the Child Custody court hearing. Here are the facts and a bit of commentary on some of the rulings.
Lazy Days of Summer. . .
First off, the Judge ordered that Bad Dad will not get his regular block visitation with Ian* this summer. 43 days summer block visitation has the potential to resume for next summer, but who knows. Bad Dad will not have first, third and fifth visitation anymore either. Bad Dad’s child visitation schedule has been reduced to a once a month schedule from here on out. The Judge also corrected a holiday visitation error.
Highway to Hell
No more driving (14 hours round trip) all the way to Outer-Mongolia, TX with Ian getting back at 12:30 am or later on school nights. All custody exchanges will occur at a half way point between our two homes. The exchanges will happen at the local Dairy Queen in that town. The exchanges will take place at 8pm on Friday and 3pm on Sunday allowing Ian to get home at a proper hour. The first two months of visitation, in July and August will only be held in our local county. So, no more out-of-town travel for Ian as he starts visiting with his Dad again. And only public exchanges from here on out too.
Spare the rod, spoil the child? NOT!
The Judge said from here forward there will be no corporal punishment allowed since Bad Dad, et al, have all got out of hand with the belting, hitting with wooden spatulas, force feeding, giving Rx against Dr’s orders, sawing shoes in half. I know, who in their right mind saws shoes in half.
The Judge also had issue with Ian’s Dad giving Ian 2 to 3 guard buzz or military style haircuts every two weeks against his will, but didn’t rule on it at this time. Ian was getting bullied at school over the extreme haircuts. The Judge told Bad Dad to listen to his son.
Did we each need to pay our attorney $4000.00 plus to hear a Judge say the same thing I have said to Bad Dad all along? I guess so. My opinion is that the Judge may revisit this issue after the Guardian at Litem’s report. Speaking of Guardian at Litem, I asked the court that a Guardian at Litem be appointed to look out for Ian’s interests since Bad Dad seems to fixate on me with his anger. Bad Dad also seemed to take his frustration and anger out on Ian. Bad Dad said repeatedly in court that “we” didn’t want/need a Guardian at Litem appointed.
To cut or not to cut, that is the question. . .
The Judge said that we need to work out the hair cut issue together. That is a tough one since I have worked on it for over a year now, for the second time. I would say please don’t shave Ian’s head and Bad Dad would shave Ian’s head. It started out with me taking our son to get a hair cut before an exchange and Bad Dad either that day or the next proceeded to have Ian’s hair shaved off.
When Ian was returned to my custody I still needed to take him to have haircuts after his Dad’s 1-2 guard hair shaving because the stylist/barber did such a poor job on his hair it had to be evened up. Thank goodness my housemate Margie* is a hair stylist and can fix almost any hair blunder. She is a miracle worker, except she can’t help hair grow faster. My dear friend that is a CPS Therapist in California feels the Judge will be watching over this case closely over next few months to see what Bad Dad does.
Being in contempt?
As you may recall, Bad Dad had filed multiple contempt charges against me. During the hearing I was able to show that two of the visitation contempts listed were when Ian was actually with his Dad! There was also one date when the Step-Monster Brenda* refused to come to the Temple we were at with friends for a Hanukkah dinner. Brenda showed up late (9:30 pm for a 6:00 pm exchange) to pick up Ian and after driving all that distance refused to come to the Temple. I question if she was really there at all, because who drives that distance (14 hours) to only turn around and go home?
Now on to the punishment phase. . .
The Judge did hand slap me for using so many adjectives. You are thinking ADJECTIVES!!!??? She said because of my word choices made her feel I might be embellishing. I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth which is what I did. I write and I produce. I know my way around word usage. I would rather say that an exchange was contentious instead of bat-shit crazy. Both expressions would be accurate. To me, the contentious expression is more in my comfort zone polite conversation wise.
As for the 12 contempt charges for not attending exchanges, I was held in contempt for one of them. The one was the Wednesday exchange before the Friday hearing. My attorney had sent Bad Dad’s attorney a letter saying Ian was refusing to go with Bad Dad so he should not bother coming on Wednesday. For my crime, I received, no jail time, no probation, no community service, no fine, no paying of Bad Dad’s legal fees. My CPS friend said that he felt it was so the Judge looked balanced in her ruling and so it wouldn’t be flagged for appeal.
Above all else do the right thing. . .
Bad Dad’s monthly visitation is to start in July, and since he was in town for the hearing, I wanted to be consolatory so I told my attorney to offer to allow Ian to have lunch with Bad Dad. I felt it would be a good opportunity for a transitional meeting and might help with Ian’s fear of his father. I would be at the restaurant too, however I wouldn’t sit with them. Just bring Ian there and wait. Unfortunately, Bad Dad refused the invitation. I just know that if I hadn’t seen my son in 5 months I would make every attempt to see him, even if it meant I had to hang upside down during the meeting, but again that’s me.
It’s foggy. . .
I’m sure there are things I’m leaving out, as there was so much for our Judge to ruled on. Over all the rulings were wonderful for Ian. The only sad thing is that I’d just saved $2000.00 in cash to go with my $3000 clean air certificate to buy a new to me car for my little family. I was hoping to keep the payments low due to the gas expenses with custody travel and to have a more reliable vehicle for transportation. Due to Bad Dad having me served and this court case I had to give the $’s to my attorney. I had $500.00 left in trust from from my out of town attorney to go toward the $4000 my attorney needed. I will be making additional payment for the forseable future. However, it is still money well spent. I’ll continue to drive the 1997 Suburban with 301,600+ miles on which I’ll need to keep a bit longer.
Until next time,
I’m a Mommy to a wonderful son and the Green Light Girl
*All names in this blog have been changed to protect their privacy.
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